ACCORDING TO FACEBOOK SEXISM, HOMOPHOBIA, EXPLICIT SEXUAL IMAGES & GRATUITOUS VIOLENCE ARE FINE. LIBERAL FREEDOM OF SPEECH IS NOT.

So my Facebook account was suspended this morning because of a reply I gave to a nasty lunatic who wrote on MY comment on a news article about the gun-nut lobby in Australia. I am not going to lie, I am VERY anti-gun. In my opinion guns are serious apparatuses that only people who really NEED them (police, security personnel, farmers, hunters etc.) should have and those people need to be fully trained, tested and show evidence of the secure, locked storage where they plan on keeping their guns. Saying you want a gun “cos you like the way it makes you feel”, or you want a gun “for protection” is not a valid reason and as seen in the U.S. only leads to massive amounts of gun related accidents, violence and fatalities (Note: The CDC in the U.S. who track data on many things including car accidents, natural disasters, drownings as well as diseases have been banned from collecting data on the correlation between legal gun ownership and gun violence due to the corrupt, bs NRA and other gun-nut lobbyists). For people who may be actual collectors of guns (not that I know why you would want to collect guns unless they were antiques but then again I feel that way about a lot of things i.e. stamps, coins etc.) then ammunition distribution needs to be carefully monitored. Guns are not toys to be messing around with and not every moron with a heartbeat should have one just because they feel it is their deluded right.

So this news article was about this idiot, conservative woman who would like to see more people in Australia get into guns in a recreational kind of way. Not going to happen, sweetheart, so you can just keep on wishing. I love how these dickheads never tie the fact we have not had one (public) gun massacre since 1996, Port Arthur, (there was a domestic violence incident in 2014 that was committed with a legal gun by a ‘normal’ father who passed all the required checks) to the fact we had good gun control put in place after Port Arthur even though prior to 1996 we had 16 mass shootings in 25 years. Australian gun related accidents, violence, homicides and suicides have all gone down dramatically too since the former PM, John Howard, put stricter gun control in place in 1996. 

In the article this moron woman also said she “felt empowered’ when she fired a gun!!! DING, DING, DING, DING!!!! And right there is a major red flag!!! Listen up! Guns are not meant to be used to stroke your fragile ego or give your shallow life some meaning. If you want to feel empowered start doing some charity work and helping the less fortunate. One thing I cannot stand is when people speak lustfully about guns or glamorise guns. It’s sick and it leads to trouble. A gun is supposed to be a tool for work. If an animal breaks its leg or you run into/over an animal and it doesn’t die it is your ethical responsibility to put that animal out of pain. If you have a pest problem in your area and the native flora or fauna are suffering it is your ethical responsibility to cull the pests and preserve the eco-system. If you are a law enforcement member it is your responsibility to discharge your weapon, if it is safe to do so, in order to stop a fatal or heinous crime from occurring. There is nothing ‘sexy’ about guns. There is nothing alluring about a gun. It’s a tool. Either use it with the correct mind frame i.e. this is not a toy to boost my crumby self-esteem or don’t use one at all. So I commented on the news article pointing out what a nutbag this gun chick was for using a gun to ‘feel empowered’. A few gun-nuts commented pro gun rubbish on my post, as they do, because who gives a fuck that places with shitty gun laws have disgustingly high gun violence while places with strict gun laws have low gun violence??? Being able to successfully join the dots is not what these ignoramuses brains are good at.

Then this stupid, nasty, random woman wrote an extremely unbalanced reply to my comment claiming she was in a gun related siege/massacre in Melbourne, Australia and had developed a, quote, ‘irrational fear’ of guns and had to take up shooting in order to cope. WTF?!?! Ok, let me unpack this because there was so much not adding up in her comment even the best of accountants wouldn’t be able to balance her total amount of crazy. Firstly, she didn’t state which siege/massacre she was a victim of or what year it took place so who knows if it is true. Let’s just say for arguments sake she was telling the absolute truth. Secondly, she did not state she was in a job where having a gun was a necessity e.g. police force, defence force etc. so what the fuck does it matter if she had an ‘irrational fear’ of guns??? This is Australia and gun control is tight so it’s not like she would be going out onto ordinary Australian streets and see people carrying guns left, right and centre. Secondly, GOOD! Having a fear, ‘irrational’ or otherwise, of something that has the potential to murder people is not an all together bad thing. I used to be so terrified of snakes I couldn’t even look at photos of them. Still to this day the thought of snakes makes me want to yak so I always take extra care to never meet one (never keep the doors open in Summer, never walk through bush unless I can see the ground etc. I also have 3 snake removal places in my phone just in case I am ever unlucky enough to come face to face with one).

Thirdly, this woman did not state she had gone to a mental health professional who told her that she needed to go to a shooting range as a part of her therapy. She didn’t even mention anything about a psychologist or a psychiatrist which, if I was in a siege/massacre, a psychologist or a psychiatrist is the first person I would be going to unless I had to go to hospital first. Basically in this woman’s head her way of coming to terms with her life threatening situation was to go out and emulate the person who had put her in that situation?!?!?! IN WHAT WORLD DOES THAT MAKE SENSE??? She made no mention of creating a support group for survivors of gun violence. She made no mention of starting a movement to implement even stricter gun laws or start some kind of community initiative. No, her answer was get a gun and shoot it. This is not the kind of person I want having access to a gun ever!

I do not ‘fear’ guns. I am extremely aware of the capability they have to kill many people in a short amount of time and the fact the U.S. has next to no federal gun control and keeps having mass shootings every few months, not to mention their gun crime and homicide rate is through the roof for a developed nation, doesn’t make my awareness of guns ability to do a lot of damage to a large amount of people any less apparent. Most of the massacres that occur in the U.S. and the ones that did occur in Australia were committed by legal gun owners using legal guns!!! And this whole notion of add more guns to the equation and that will fix the problem makes my jaw drop!!! If I was ever unlucky enough to be in a horrendous situation where a gun was presented (I cannot touch enough wood to hope this never, ever, ever happens) and I was lucky enough to survive I can assure you the last thing I would ever be doing would be going to a shooting range and firing a gun. I would be in full community rallying motion (after I had the necessary time with a mental health professional to come to terms with my near death experience) contacting Members of Parliament to implement even tougher gun laws. You don’t throw petrol on a fire. Likewise you don’t fight gun violence with guns.

Sooo… I replied back to this nasty, lunatic and told her exactly what was flawed with her thought process. I wasn’t nice to her because her comment to me had been quite horrible. I told her that clearly all her time spent at the shooting range had done FA to help her PTSD and not to put her unresolved issues on to me. I, once again, made my stance on guns clear. They are not toys!!! They are not to be used as a way to boost someone’s ego, or make them feel ’empowered’ and they are definitely not a way to resolve issues including mental health ones etc. etc. etc. I did not incite hate or violence towards her. I did not swear at her or intimidate her. I just made my opinion clear. I got a like or two for that reply. I don’t weigh in on social issues for likes, mind you. I do so because I want to live in a safe society and I don’t want to wake up each day to hear how many people have been gunned down unnecessarily because of some people’s inability to function without having a gun.

Then, somebody who clearly doesn’t understand the way freedom of speech works, reported my reply to this nutbag!!! AND FACEBOOK AGREED WITH THEM AND SUSPENDED MY ACCOUNT!!! WTF?!?!?!? I can still log in but I can not make any posts and I am fucking filthy about it. I sent Facebook this message…

Dear Facebook,

I am actually astounded that my comment was deemed unacceptable considering the amount of trash and garbage that is allowed to be on Facebook and that does not get taken down when it is reported e.g. misogynistic posts, homophobic posts, nudity, violence etc. etc. etc.

My comment, which was reported by someone who does not understand the principles of free speech and which apparently offended the delicate sensibilities of Facebook, was on the VERY important topic of gun control and gun laws. The person I was replying to left an abhorrently unstable comment on my post and I replied back to them in the same tone and demeanour that they wrote to me.

What I want to know is did their comment get removed too? Is Facebook governed by rules that state some people can dish out disgraceful messages but if others reply their comments are deleted and their accounts are hindered??? What a joke! Do we live in a society of free speech or don’t we??? I did not threaten this person. I did not incite others to violence or hate against this person. I did not use profane language. I simply pointed out how insane their train of thought was. How is it I can see so many disgusting things on Facebook that scrap the bottom of the barrel and yet a debate on gun control where one party makes a vicious comment towards someone and then when the person defends themself their comment is deleted and their account is blocked??? I have never heard of anything so outrageous in all my life.

Now that I am aware that gratuitous and vile content is fine by Facebook’s (low) standards but one person standing up for themselves against a deranged lunatic is not ok with Facebook I will not be thinking of this platform in the favourable light I once did. I will be finding out how to get copies of my photos off my account because I can see with the skewed ethical compass that Facebook has my right to freedom of speech will no doubt be reported again by some other Kim Jong-un.”

With all the shit on Facebook that never gets taken down even after it is reported they think my freedom of speech on gun control is so offensive, so unacceptable, so untoward they had to delete it and fuck with my ability to make posts. Once my account is put back to its rightful state I shall be contacting Facebook again and asking how I can lodge a formal complaint against them. I will also be reporting that loonbag’s comment just to see if it will be removed too (we all know it won’t be, hypocritical, double standards). Censoring free speech is inexcusable and the only way to combat things you don’t like is with more free speech e.g. I think Holocaust deniers are vile beyond belief but I would never censor them because once you do that you start on a slippery road to impeding on free speech. I fight Holocaust deniers and any other idiots with my right of free speech which is how it should be. It’s such a cheap, shallow, tacky move to censor someone. It reeks of insecurity and feebleness of mine. Having said that, if hate or violence is being incited, threats are being made, another person’s personal details are being given out without their permission or intimate details are being circulated than, yes, that should not be tolerated because freedom of speech is about voicing your ideas and opinions NOT bullying, harassing or endangering another person’s life.

So that is my huge rant for the night. Facebook can go fuck itself. I am so unimpressed and tomorrow I will be making my displeasure further known to them.

What happens when your government restricts you from being able to collect data on the correlation between legal gun owners and gun violence and refuses to put federal gun control in place? You get the U.S.A.

Obama’s speech after the latest mass shooting.

After a 1996 Mass Shooting, Australia Enacted Strict Gun Laws. It Hasn’t Had a Similar Massacre Since.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/crime/2012/12/16/gun_control_after_connecticut_shooting_could_australia_s_laws_provide_a.html

Did gun control work in Australia?

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonkblog/wp/2012/08/02/did-gun-control-work-in-australia/

Decline in gun deaths doubled since Australia destroyed 700,000 firearms

http://sydney.edu.au/news/84.html?newsstoryid=1502

PLEASE SIGN & SHARE THESE PETITIONS! ALI AL-NIMR COULD BE MURDERED BY SAUDI ARABIA WITHIN DAYS!

AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL PETITION TO SAVE ALI AL-NIMR. HE HAS BEEN MOVED TO SOLITARY CONFINEMENT AND COULD BE EXECUTED WITHIN DAYS. HE WAS ARRESTED AT 17 YEARS OF AGE IN 2012. HE IS NOT A CRIMINAL. HE ATTENDED A PRO-DEMOCRACY RALLY ABOUT THE OPPRESSIVE SAUDIA ARABIA GOVERNMENT AND FOR THIS THEY HAVE TORTURED HIM, THEY WANT TO KILL HIM AND CRUCIFY HIM. THIS BOY NEEDS EVERYONE’S HELP NOW!

http://www.amnesty.org.au/action/action/38122/?utm_source=CIC&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=CIC684_20151019&utm_content=post

or

http://www.amnesty.org.au/action/action/38122/

AND THE ONES BELOW…

https://www.avaaz.org/en/stop_saudi_beheadings_loc/?fpla

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/859/705/664/free-ali-mohammed-al-nimr-facing-death-by-crucifixion-and-beheading-in-saudi-arabia/

https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/109215

https://reprieve.bsd.net/page/s/saudi-arabia-do-not-crucify-ali-mohammed-al-nimr

https://www.change.org/p/king-abdullah-bin-abdul-aziz-supreme-court-of-saudi-arab-stop-the-crucifixion-of-ali-mohammed-al-nimr

SHINE A LIGHT ON DEPRESSION

The link below is to an episode of an Australian T.V. show called Q&A, from Monday 5 October, 2015. This program is produced by the ABC (Australian Broadcasting Corporation) which is an Australian government funded national broadcast channel. Every year the ABC has ‘Mental As’ week where they focus on mental illness and the people it affects in a constructive and informative way.

http://www.abc.net.au/tv/qanda/txt/s4303400.htm

  • Introduction 0:00
  • YOUTH DEPRESSION 1:17
  • SELF STIGMA 9:45
  • STIGMA 17:09
  • SUICIDE AT SCHOOL 27:11
  • INDIGENOUS SUICIDE 32:03
  • OLDER SUICIDE 39:12
  • DEPRESSION AND MEDICATION 42:41
  • MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES 52:51

A 17 year old, Xavier Eales, gives a speech to his all boys private school in NSW, Australia, about his battle with depression from ages 13 to 17.

WORLD MENTAL HEALTH DAY 2015

Today is World Mental Health Day. As someone who has had a fair bit of personal experience (experience, not expertise) in this area with depression and anxiety I just want to get on my soapbox for a bit…

1. There is not just one kind of depression or one type of anxiety etc. When I hear or see people lumping a whole mental illness into one category like they are experts because someone/people they know handled their depression or anxiety in a certain way it really pisses me off. Depression and anxiety come in many different shapes and sizes. It can be a hereditary thing, a post traumatic stress thing, an environmental thing, a hormonal thing etc. or more than one of these things. The only common denominator they all have is they result in a chemical imbalance in the brain where, in the case of depression, feel-good chemicals such as serotonin, dopamine etc. decrease resulting in the person feeling like shit. While anxiety is a peak in chemicals such as cortisol etc. that makes them feel sick from ‘buzzing’ and can lead to attacks.

2. Mental illnesses are not always ‘transient’. I had this one idiot a couple of years ago tell me because she knew people who got over their depression, it was ‘transient’. Besides the fact this moron had no degree in neuroscience, psychology, psychiatry, biological science, medical science, was not a GP, a psych nurse or anything else in those types of fields, nor had she ever worked in a psych ward AND her sample size would have been no larger than 50 people at the most (and that is giving her way too much credit because her sample size was probably less than 10, 5 even) it is just jaw dropping how she thought she had the intellectual integrity to lump an illness like depression into one generic box and then make her ‘expert’ opinion of zero years study in the field with the beyond stupid claim that all depression was ‘transient’.

Some people have environmental depression. They change the negative environment they are in and their mental health improves. Some people have post natal depression. Depending on the severity it too can pass after some time with or without the help of a Doctor. Some depression can be for life. Hereditary or post traumatic stress related depression is real and it is shit and what people don’t need is for unqualified dickheads to tell them to just “exercise and eat well and you will be right, it’s all in your head” (well no fucking shit Dr No Qualifications, thanks for stating the fucking obvious about the ‘all in your head comment’). Not only are these unqualified statements incredibly insensitive, it is also dangerous, as exercise and diet will not get to the root of the issue/s if the reason you have mental illness is because you were sexually abused or saw someone you love murdered. In these cases exercise and diet will only be a band aid effect.

3. Everyone needs to find their own way/s of dealing with their illness/es that is constructive. There is not one magical way to do so and what works for one person may not work for another. For instance, people always crap on about how exercise and clean eating is such a magical, all out cure for everyone. Yeah, if that was the case Ian Thorpe would never of had depression from his teen years onward because he swam like a fish (he has won five Olympic gold medals) and I’m sure he would have been on a pretty impressive diet too since living on junk food won’t win you gold at any competition. Likewise, some people (who don’t have degrees in neuroscience, psychiatry or psychology) try telling people with a mental illness that going on meds is not a good thing to do, they are addictive, you will never get off of them, they will turn you into a zombie (so much bullshit because when I was on meds I was still highly emotive but so much clearer and better able to function in high stress situations instead of falling apart and running to the loos to cry for an hour). Or they tell others going to a psychologist/psychiatrist is not a good thing because shrinks are just greedy money making entities, or if others find out you are going to a shrink they will label you ‘crazy’ etc. So their advice is basically stiff upper lip and just stuff everything deep down inside and ignore it. Total, ignorant twats!

Successfully dealing with mental illness is not a one approach works best type thing. In order to deal with it you need many crutches, outlets, coping mechanisms, foundations etc. For instance in my own life meds (Lexipro, an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety), psychology sessions along with people-observing (not in the creepy peeping Tom kind of way but in the noting the way people act or what they say and noting what their real motives or drivers are kind of way), philosophy and deep thought about the human journey from prehistoric great ape to Homo Sapiens Sapiens has done wonders. Looking inward and backward across the landscape of humans and our society has helped me to realise mental illness is just a natural phenomenon that occurs across many species but unlike undomesticated species we can get help (if we live in a country where help is available) and we shouldn’t feel like a failure, ashamed or guilty for doing so. We are not perfect robots. We are imperfect, but pretty amazing, results of billions of years of evolution. We are just biological organisms and we need to remember that so we don’t unnecessarily beat ourselves up for not being ‘normal’ (normal in the bullshit way society has constructed ‘normal’ to be which is actually quite unnatural and extremely not normal). We have to live with ourselves for the rest of our lives and we have to interact with others so we should love ourselves enough to work on our own health and contentment.

4. Laughter is so underrated and comedy should be prescribed as a form of medication. When ever I have been too low to leave the house, too low to function, too low to even get out of my jammies comedy has been my saving grace. Some people turn towards a deity. I turn toward the gods of comedy. Seinfeld, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Arrested Development, The Simpsons, Futurama etc. etc. etc. All these incredible shows plus funny movies and books have managed to dig me up out of my dark, empty grave of sadness and reignite a spark of my usual, happy-go-lucky, saucy self.

Then, of course, there has been Dr Murray Banks <3! How I love that man (he is deceased now. He passed away in 2008 at the tender, young age of 91). His recordings on mental health, his humour, his ability to add that sublime Jewish, New York view point on humans and the unique creatures we are has gotten me through some of the darkest times. He has made me laugh so hard I have cried and has helped the black clouds dissipate on more than one occasion. All of his recordings are on YouTube and in the iTunes Store and I have listed them below. I highly recommend you look him up and give his albums a listen to.

banks

  • What YOU can learn from the Kinsey Report (Audio Masterworks, 1956)
  • The Drama of Sex (1960)
  • Just in case you think you’re normal (1961)
  • Dr. Murray Banks tells Jewish Stories Mit Psychology (1961)
  • Dr. Murray Banks Tells more Jewish Stories Mit Psychology (1964)
  • How to live with yourself…or what to do until psychiatrist comes (1965)
  • A Lesson in Love
  • How to quit smoking in six days or drop dead in seven (1965)
  • Anyone who goes to a shrink should have their head examined (1971)

And lastly, what should you do if you are suffering from a mental health issue??? Book in to see a GP you trust and tell them what is happening. Don’t be ashamed or too stoic to talk about the fact you need a little or a lot of help. Your mental medical concerns are just as valid as a broken leg or a dickie heart. If you are in Australia your GP can put you on the Mental Health Plan and you can get 10 free to partially subsidised sessions with a psychologist. If you are really struggling then your Doctor can prescribe you something mild (or strong if that is what your illness calls for. Everyone is different and mental illness is not a generic condition) until your psychology sessions start helping. Depending on what illness you have you may need meds for the rest of your life and that’s ok!!!

Stop watching the news and any other depressing stuff until you are feeling better able to handle those types of things. Fill your life with comedy, aesthetically pleasing and calming visual and performing arts, try meditating or listening to calm music or sugary pop music if that suits you better. Try a relaxing form of yoga. If you are up to it, exercise. Go for a little walk through a nice park, not along a busy, ugly road. Join a team sports, if you are up to it, but don’t overwhelm yourself. Exercise is a good crutch, when balanced with other crutches, but don’t set your goals so high that if you don’t meet them you will feel even worse. Be gentle on yourself. Take small steps. YouTube has a good range of exercise channels if you want to do some simple exercises at home and Kmart has a great exercise section with mats, weights, balls etc. if you want to set up a little home gym without paying sports shop prices which can break your bank.

Google some healthy meal recipes. Once again keep it simple and underwhelming. Abstain from grocery shopping when you are hungry or super upset as you will be more tempted to buy junk food or food that you won’t eat and will waste which could result in you feeling guilty. Stick to the lean meats and fruit and veg section as much as possible. Sugar is not your friend. The instant pay off of sugar is a drug and when you crash you will feel even more rubbish. Dark chocolate is a good sweet treat as it has some health benefits with less added sugar. Bake something that has wholemeal flour, is low in sugar and fat, if you are up to it. I have wholemeal, low fat, low sugar biscuit recipes on this site under Recipes. Otherwise honey and/or banana on wholemeal toast is always a simple sweet treat to have with a cuppa. Having said that though, if you are not eating junk all the time and you feel like a pizza or some other junk than do it and don’t beat yourself up. Sometimes a bit of a binge can be cathartic as long at it is only occasionally.

Turn to your support network. This may be your family, friends, a support group etc. Find people you trust and who are empathetic, calm and able to keep it simple and authentic. Be aware, and don’t be surprised, if you lose family or friends due to your illness. Unless you have done something wrong such as used or abused them than try not to let their alienation interfere with your progress. They are external to you. They may have their own internal concerns that your illness makes them have to confront and that may make them feel very uncomfortable. They may be scared due to stigmatism, prejudice or a lack of education on mental health issues. Or, and sometimes you just have to accept this, they may just be selfish, self-centred people who only think about themselves and who only want friends of a certain status and your ‘crazy’ stuff may just be too beneath their royal highnesses in which case you are lucky to have weeded a cancerous person like that out of your life.

Likewise, you may find that in your life you have secret/passive aggressive Negative Nancies or Debbie Downers who like that you are feeling down because misery loves company. You may need to limit your time with these people or cut them out all together but whatever you decide to do just make sure you always put your own wellbeing first and in a way that does not encroach on anyone else’s lives in a negative way.

Good mental health is so important and so underrated in this consumer driven, capitalist, greedy society we have created. By getting back to basis, cutting all the phoney society demands of who we should be or what we should have achieved and just being our authentic selves, slowing down to enjoy simple things and filling our life with loved ones and laughter we will not only improve mental health but also physical health and longevity. So I wish you a good World Mental Health Day 2015 and remember to look out for your fellow man/woman/child if you think they may need a little help and an ear to talk to.

Truer Words Have Not Been Spoken

“I’m in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy.”

The day I saw the above sentence in a meme on Facebook a few years ago I had a coffee cup drop moment, Usual Suspects style, or as Oprah would put it, a ‘light bulb moment’ (wow, did that feel cheesy and cheap to type. Thanks for nothing Oprah).

When I was younger, 20-25, I thought I was the craziest person ever because everyone else seemed to have their shit together and be living ‘normal’ lives whilst I was dealing with an identity crises after graduating from uni because I no longer enjoyed or wanted to work in the field I had studied, technical theatre, and I had no idea what else I wanted to do. I also didn’t really gel with my friends anymore. They were so ‘arty’ and pretentious and I just wanted something real, you know? Anyway, fast-forward a few years to Jan 2009 (I was 23) and I found out the person I thought I loved (my first love) was cheating on me for the last four months we were living together. Well, that was the breaking point. I completely fell apart and it was that catalyst that sent me to therapy. I saw counsellors first and then I went to my GP who put me on 10mg of Lexipro a day (later upped to 20mg a day) and wrote me out a referral letter to a psychologist. Although I loved my first psychologist because she was so sassy and strong her sessions didn’t really help me much. I think because my arsehole ex was still fucking me around, I was too ‘in love’ to break ties with him and I guess I was still too ‘in my head’ to see the forest from the trees, CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) didn’t really help me at that time.

As time has gone on and I have had more life experiences, dealt with more people, and seen other therapists (due to me moving or my therapists moving, going on maternity leave, heading overseas etc. I have had 5 psychologists since mid 2009 which has been a blessing and a curse because I have to go back and start my story all over again [curse] but then again each psychologist has insight and wisdom to give that the others did not [blessing]), things have clicked for me and I now realise every mother fucking cunt you meet is bat shit insane to some degree. Grasping this basic, and now obvious fact, has just taken the most incredible weight of my shoulders, answered so many questions about the world, how it works and how I fit into it, has cleared the fog and confusion from my brain and it has made me such a good judge and read of character. I am getting so good at sizing people up, hearing the crazy in their stories and picking their personality types I could turn it into a career. The greatest thing I have learnt so far is no body has it ‘together’, some/most people are just better bullshit artists and actors than me! They might call it stoic but I call it phoney, display home acting.

See, one of my biggest problems was/is I’m too real, I’m too organic. I can’t hide my crazy because I was never raised to be a phoney. In my family if you had something to say you just said it. If you were upset you cried. If you were angry you swore and yelled. There was no stiff upper lip and suppress your feelings even if it kills you type of behaviour. There was no putting on airs and graces for the neighbours, or friends or family. Our lives were ‘what you see is what you get’. So when I left high school and entered into uni and saw everyone pretending (pretending being the operative word) to be all cool, capable and nonchalant while I was a brimming cauldron of crazy (nervous about being in uni, unsure of myself, trying to find who I was as a young adult etc.) I thought I was even more crazy!!!

Don’t get me wrong, I was and still am to a lesser degree crazy, but now I have learnt that so is everyone else, they are just better at hiding it than me, so much makes sense! The coffee cup dropped and all the puzzle pieces were put together.

So I want to metaphorically go back in time for a moment to speak to my younger self, say age 20-21 (2006)…

“Yes, you are crazy but so is everyone else! It’s just they have been conditioned and trained to hide it, where as you weren’t. You are suffering from an identity crises and depression due to said identity crises. Don’t freak out! You are probably just exhausted from a massively demanding university course and your serotonin levels are down. Also, you are a very passionate person and it is always hard for deeply passionate people to lose their ‘dream’. Don’t worry about your friends either. They’re arty, pretentious wanks and you will make new, more authentic friends as you go along. Fuck your current friends off (they are good people but they are not the right fit for you) and start spending more time with your none theatre friends.

Also, make an appointment with your GP and ask to see a psychologist. If sessions alone don’t help go back to your GP and ask for some meds. There is no shame in seeing a therapist and there is no shame in going on meds. Meds are not the addictive, destructive things laypeople make out (what the fuck would they know, anyway? Do they have degrees in neuroscience? NO! So they can shove their judgemental, pseudo-science ways up their arses). Start dabbling in the things you enjoy; art, singing, dance, environmental causes, human rights causes. Don’t be self conscience. It doesn’t matter if you are a prodigy at something as long as you enjoy it. Also, laugh!!! Fill your down time with comedy movies, tv shows and books. Comedy will be your best friend when things seem most dark.

And lastly, you are one sassy, funny, funky, capable, happening diva and you are going to meet a lot of parasites, leeches, lunatics, narcissists, egomaniacs, megalomaniacs and sociopaths, in your private and work life, who are secretly jealous or intimidated by your happy-go-lucky, extroverted, rambunctious, out spoken persona. Fuck them! Every little passive aggressive comment they make towards you. Every little, niggly put down. Every condescending, patronising sneer. Fuck them all!!! Try not to lose your temper or allow them to get to you because all they are doing is projecting their own insecurities, inadequacies, inferiority complexes, emptiness and self loathing on to you, and people like that are master manipulators. They are so good as spraying their own vileness onto others while making others think they themselves have problems and issues that they don’t actually have. Hence why a lot of your/my therapy sessions will/have been about learning how to deal with people who should be in therapy.”